Are you afraid of being alone?

These days are not really great for me. I don't get the usual breakdowns like before. But I have this sudden ache in my heart and flashback of how people treated me since class 1. But i often crave for someone to listen to me. So that my head gets free.

I was in hostel so it was all day studying hostel and not like pgs, nor Allen. It was like chaitnya and Narayana but some other college.

Then i slowly developed this self love when I didn't even know what self love is. I loved my company. But as I entered into high school people around me forced to believe that you need people around. As I was always bullied in my high school.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

All the scars because some boy replaced me?

How immature…

Though these days I'm being hyped up by <3 Poonam in my comment section. Grateful that my virtual people are best than offline people.

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Im trying to learn about me. The day isn't so far when I completely be fine with being my ownself. After all everyone is so tired to have me around. Nor am being myself anymore.

I need to accept the fact that I have no one. Like no one….

Understandable after all everyone is dealing with something or the other. That I have no idea about.

What is your best forbidden sex story that felt so right?

After continuously failing people laugh at me and my dreams.

I had good people around me. But eventually people fade or maybe I was just with them because I wanted to feel the void of my emptiness.

This one question that left my eyes teary was.Will someone pick up the call if I call them mid night? - answer is sure shot (NO).

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As i was a kid.

I miss myself. But ik the real me…

I was complete emotionally dependent on him with my filtered version. He still doesn't know the real me( I was scared if I will loose him if I show him my real side).

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Heheheh<3

‘So I can't really expect someone to wipe my tears while they are bleeding internally”. - quote by me.

Someday my prayers, my tears, my faith , my hardwork everything is going to give me answers that am actually trying to find for.

Have you ever been instructed/forced to crossdress for the benefit of others?

And do I have complains? - no not anymore.

But my scars grew deeper & darker. So much so that I feel like no concealer nor any chemical peel treatment can fade them away.

I have beautiful people in my friends list offline and online. But its just that I don't get the love I want.

Why can't the ISS take a picture of Earth and prove to the Flat Earth Society that Earth is not really flat?

I'm not looking for a boy to complete me.

I was always alone (no friends). Everyone around me were already in schools getting into high school. And I use to barely speak a word. As i was born late to my parents.

At times I often think that is it me?Who was once geet…. complete package of chatter box anyone can ever find.

Why do people who aren't trans feel the need to put pronouns next to their name or picture? It seems so cringeworthy to me, to participate in that SJW paradigm of thought, like they are a spineless person who just goes along with the trends.

But sometimes I crave to be seen when I'm quiet externally and my head is full of thoughts which trying so hard to get out, but me shutting it down everytime cause no body cares.

Am I afraid of being alone? Not really…..Ok! well sometimes ofcourse when I see on quora people being hyped in comment section by someone' who has they back, instagram besties and many more.

Image source - me

There’s a place where humans are evolving right before our eyes - Boy Genius Report

Though now I'm sharing all to my bff(god). Although he watches me every sec and knows what exactly am doing.

Yesterday my heart cried alot but not my eyes. Cause my eyes have no tears left. Now only my heart aches and cries. I may seem very quiet and happy in the outer world. But my inner world has collapsed so bad that I'm still finding my pieces to fix my heart’s puzzle. But how could I? I have left my parts with the people who never really cared about me.

Anyways people leave. So did he. He was different for me but he did leave……not leave actually he replaced me at the end just like everyone. Even after knowing my scars. He concealed it with some cheap concealer( which were ofcourse his promises). Afterall it was cheap concealer. As time passes cheap concealer leaves patches on your face. Which does look like fresh scars which were highlighted.

Can you name a song with the word 'why' in it?

Toodles🦭

So grateful that atleast god listens to me. Without giving me advices of how and why…blah blah.. he just listens.

Anyways after all this I got so humble yet so quiet.

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Although am still on the journey to heal my self so that my broken parts don't cut innocent people.

As I have already mentioned I was in relationship 🤡. So I use to feel he is going to be with me. Big big joke.

The only song I want to dedicate is MAIN AGAR KAHOON..

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I use to feel always alone. Always. Though I had people around me and the most pampering childhood. But no one of my age who would understand my emotions well and play the exact game I want to. In schools I was introvert. If i ever made a friend I use to get replaced cause I was not like others. I was very calm. I did all the fun around people who i considered to be mine only bestie.

Or maybe it did. But i didn't care. Or I was running from the fact that I have no one.

Yeah, yeah ik my outfit was straight out of fairytale.

Do conservative white women like black men?

No no it was not only him. As i have been mentioning in my answers that I have been replaced many times since childhood. That kinda haunts me now but this fact never bothered me before.

Thank you for being here.

Which is true . I have no one.

I had no guts to make new friends. And then college happened.